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The Anguish of the Indictor
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Inad
Cadet
Cadet


Joined: 16 Jun 2018
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 4:04 am    Post subject: The Anguish of the Indictor Reply with quote

Hi. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but here it goes. If there's a better place please let me know.

I've been publishing the Star Wars D6 adventures I've written and played for a few years now in my blog: http://historiasconcilio.blogspot.com There are about a dozen modules ready to play there, Texts are in Spanish though.

I few days ago I made my first atempt to translate one of them to English. The Anguish of the Indictor is available for download at http://historiasconcilio.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-anguish-of-indictor-star-wars-d6.html

Any comments or advices on it will be welcomed.


Last edited by Inad on Sat Jun 16, 2018 6:44 am; edited 1 time in total
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Zarn
Force Spirit


Joined: 17 Jun 2014
Posts: 698

PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's a period at the end of your URL for the adventure, which confuses a browser trying to open it. I suggest you remove the period.

Last edited by Zarn on Thu May 02, 2019 7:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Inad
Cadet
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Joined: 16 Jun 2018
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 6:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zarn wrote:
There's a period at the end of your URL for the adventure, which confuses a browser trying to open it. I suggest you remove the period.


Done. Thank you.
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Zarn
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Joined: 17 Jun 2014
Posts: 698

PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The layout is excellent. No, better than that - I think it is superb. You've made an obvious effort in matching the layout of other published adventures, and the time you've put into this really shows. If I ever get the chance, I'll take this adventure for a spin with a new group to see how it plays out!

The rest is feedback, and nitpicky at that:

Impressions:
A few sample characters would also be nice, as the text refers to handing out characters numbered 1 through 6 (potentially). It would also help with my one major objection to the entire adventure - if the characters are loyal Imperial subjects, they're more likely to follow Colonel Jetero's orders when they are stated, and would likely not have abandoned their stations unless Captain Zeraus ordered the crew to abandon ship. Which means that when Colonel Jetero decides to try ramming some of the opposition (I'm assuming that's the idea before she decides to abandon ship), it seems likely that many aboard the ship would return to their stations.

Senator Moo Fee Ta's name feels like an in-joke or lost in translation joke, somehow. I'm not sure why. The good senator's spelling changes occasionally, but not often enough to be much of an issue.


Last edited by Zarn on Thu May 02, 2019 7:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Raven Redstar
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Joined: 10 Mar 2009
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 9:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to check this out. Thanks for sharing!
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Whill
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 2:09 pm    Post subject: Re: The Anguish of the Indictor Reply with quote

Inad wrote:
Hi. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but here it goes. If there's a better place please let me know.

Welcome to the Pit! This is the right place to post this.

Inad wrote:
I've been publishing the Star Wars D6 adventures I've written and played for a few years now in my blog: http://historiasconcilio.blogspot.com There are about a dozen modules ready to play there, Texts are in Spanish though.

I found your blog last week. Thanks for sharing it here. I hope other bilingual Star Wars D6 fans reading this find it and use your adventures.

Inad wrote:
I few days ago I made my first atempt to translate one of them to English. The Anguish of the Indictor is available for download at http://historiasconcilio.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-anguish-of-indictor-star-wars-d6.html

Last week I uploaded it to The Rancor Pit Library. Here is the direct URL: The Anguish of the Indictor

Inad wrote:
Any comments or advices on it will be welcomed.
Zarn wrote:
The layout is excellent. No, better than that - I think it is superb. You've made an obvious effort in matching the layout of other published adventures, and the time you've put into this really shows. If I ever get the chance, I'll take this adventure for a spin with a new group to see how it plays out!

The rest is feedback, and nitpicky at that:...

Wow, Zarn! Thanks for posting this! I had noticed a couple of these things on my quick overview.

Inad, if you ever make a revised version and implement this feedback, please let me know. Thanks again for making this adventure!
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Sutehp
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Inad, welcome to the Pit! Yeah, I'm going to take a look at your adventure. Just for the record, I'm originally from Argentina (Buenos Aires specifically) so I also speak Spanish, although since my family and I moved to the US when I was only 2 months old, English is my first language...and my Spanish is pretty atrocious, especially for a porteƱo like me. And yeah, I can't read Spanish for crap. It's a bit of a running joke among me and my family that I don't speak Spanish all that well (even if I can speak it enough to get by).

All that aside, I'd like to take a look at Anguish of the Indictor and if you don't mind, I'd like to offer some editing corrections. If you need confirmation of my credentials, just ask Oliver Queen about me; I've been doing some editing work for the upcoming Rogue One and Rebels Season 3 fanbooks for him.

And if you want to see some of my work that's been posted already, just download the Legacy of the Force sourcebook here at the Pit. (It's about 10 entries below your Indictor adventure. I'd link to it directly, but the filename url has too many brackets to be directly linked here.) I edited that whole book for Thor Thorson (aka Treefrog here at the Pit). Treefrog and his friend did all the stats and number crunching as well as a good chunk of the writing, but I edited that whole thing as well as wrote what Thor and his friend didn't. (Yes, it's a shameless plug of my work, but I figured you'd want proof of my skills. 8) )
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Inad
Cadet
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Joined: 16 Jun 2018
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 5:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for you comments and support. I will work on a revised version and will let you know whenever it is ready. This has really encouraged me to go ahead with the translation of my other modules.

Zarn wrote:
Impressions:
A few sample characters would also be nice, as the text refers to handing out characters numbered 1 through 6 (potentially). It would also help with my one major objection to the entire adventure - if the characters are loyal Imperial subjects, they're more likely to follow Colonel Jetero's orders when they are stated, and would likely not have abandoned their stations unless Captain Zeraus ordered the crew to abandon ship. Which means that when Colonel Jetero decides to try ramming some of the opposition (I'm assuming that's the idea before she decides to abandon ship), it seems likely that many aboard the ship would return to their stations.


The idea was to present Jetero as a fanatic willing to die for the Empire and not minding having the rest of the crew of the Indictor killed. Zeraus does order to evacuate the ship before he is killed by Jetero and the text suggest how NPCs might present Jetero as a fanatic and how the DM might offer the characters past experiences reinforcing that idea. Loyal does not imply suicidal.

Jetero only decides to abandon the ship when it has already left the battle.

Zarn wrote:

Senator Moo Fee Ta's name feels like an in-joke or lost in translation joke, somehow. I'm not sure why. The good senator's spelling changes occasionally, but not often enough to be much of an issue.


Mofeta is Spanish for skunk.
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Zarn
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Joined: 17 Jun 2014
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

.

.


Last edited by Zarn on Thu May 02, 2019 7:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Whill
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Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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Location: Columbus, Ohio, USA, Earth, The Solar System, The Milky Way Galaxy

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Inad wrote:
I will work on a revised version and will let you know whenever it is ready. This has really encouraged me to go ahead with the translation of my other modules.

Yay! That's great news. We're here for you.
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cheshire
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, keep us posted with what else you release!
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Sutehp
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Indeed, Inad, I'm looking forward to the translations of your other adventures.
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Telsij
Captain
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Joined: 07 Dec 2016
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2018 11:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Inad wrote:
Thank you all for you comments and support. I will work on a revised version and will let you know whenever it is ready. This has really encouraged me to go ahead with the translation of my other modules.

Just stumbled upon this thread now. Bien hecho, senor! Tambien tengo ganas de leer los otros que ya escribiste!

(I'm not a native speaker, but I studied in school and my wife is half-Ecuadorian.) Please do let us know if/when any of your other modules are translated!
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