The Rancor Pit Forum Index
Welcome to The Rancor Pit forums!

The Rancor Pit Forum Index
FAQ   ::   Search   ::   Memberlist   ::   Usergroups   ::   Register   ::   Profile   ::   Log in to check your private messages   ::   Log in

Volar's Story
Post new topic   Reply to topic    The Rancor Pit Forum Index -> Characters, Droids, and Species -> Volar's Story
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Volar the Healer
Jedi


Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 664
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:35 am    Post subject: Volar's Story Reply with quote

For those who would like to read a quick Star Wars story, I've posted my character's story on the following web site:

www.rebelroleplayersalliance.org/RRA/base.html

You'll find it under database, then fan fiction.

It is all my own work, and I'd like to hear what the list thinks. (3 good things, 3 bad things)

This is also a good place to look for other Star Wars roleplayers. If you sign up, tell 'em Volar sent you.
_________________
Know Jesus, Know Peace.
No Jesus, No Peace


Last edited by Volar the Healer on Thu Jun 16, 2005 8:38 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Volar the Healer
Jedi


Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 664
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2003 5:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Question Well, what do you guys think?
_________________
Know Jesus, Know Peace.
No Jesus, No Peace
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Orgaloth
Vice Admiral
Vice Admiral


Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 3754
Location: Melbourne, Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2003 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm currently reading it, once I finish (probably on the weekend) I'll let you know.
_________________
"I take orders from just one person: Me!"

"You know, sometimes I amaze even myself."
Du Cass' Dream
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Son of Fire
Captain
Captain


Joined: 03 Sep 2003
Posts: 554
Location: Rose City Canada

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2003 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll get to it eventually.
_________________
"My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself." - George Bernard Shaw
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Volar the Healer
Jedi


Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 664
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The next chapter of Volar's Story is up. Along with the weapons and armour under the appropriate sections.
_________________
Know Jesus, Know Peace.
No Jesus, No Peace
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Crell Damar
Line Captain
Line Captain


Joined: 31 Jul 2003
Posts: 845

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i should probably start reading it... i haven't had net at home til a few days ago, and i still don't have it on my comp yet Confused i'll check it out this afternoon and let you know what i think Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Loc Taal
Grand Master (Founder / Admin Emeritus)


Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Posts: 801

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys should all read it. Good stuff!
_________________
"Mind what you have learned. Save you it can." --Yoda

The original RANCOR PIT archive
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Rathe Ehtar
Commander
Commander


Joined: 11 Oct 2003
Posts: 440
Location: Vacaville, CA

PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2003 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have read Volar's Story, finally. It was long, but good.
Three good points and three bad points

Bad first. Bad point one: Dialogue should be seperated when a new person speaks. It's just some english rule, but it clarifies who's speaking when. I could tell who was speaking when, but sometimes others can't.

Bad point two:Even though the story was long, it felt rushed to me. I would have liked more detail in the later parts of the story.

Bad point three:I think more emphasis could have been placed on the might of the Empire. Show not tell, another english rule, I would have liked to see more terror, possibly from Volar when the Empire is concerned.

Good now. Good point one: I liked the point of view. It was third person, but it was written, for the most part, from Volar's perspective. The audience didn't find out certain details, until Volar did.

Good point two: I liked the detail given to the earlier parts of the story surrounding the other resistence members. I felt it was a real rebel camp.

Good point three: The Imperial side of the story was good. I thought it was an actual Imperial situation when the ISB were called to the scene.
It seemed you did your homework on that part of the story and it shows. The parts where volar uses his Force powers is very much like I would expect a Jedi would.

Overall, a very good piece, er, pieces.
_________________
"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings." -Max Payne

"I don't buy that cluck like a dog, bark like a chicken stuff." -Col. Jack O'Neill
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Son of Fire
Captain
Captain


Joined: 03 Sep 2003
Posts: 554
Location: Rose City Canada

PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2003 5:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I finally read it.

I though the training was a bit long, but it was nice and detailed which I like. I also figured that would tie in to the fact you where in the military yourself, so it would only be natural for you to put some emphasis on it.

But I really liked how you showed the difference in technology, and how realistically the lasers where portrayed. The no visible beam or sound (except when the armour cracked due to the heat) was cool. It was nice to see some actual science in Star Wars for once.
_________________
"My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself." - George Bernard Shaw
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    The Rancor Pit Forum Index -> Characters, Droids, and Species All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group


v2.0