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Volar's Story
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Volar the Healer
Jedi


Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 661
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 8:35 am    Post subject: Volar's Story Reply with quote

For those who would like to read a quick Star Wars story, I've posted my character's story on the following web site:

www.rebelroleplayersalliance.org/RRA/base.html

You'll find it under database, then fan fiction.

It is all my own work, and I'd like to hear what the list thinks. (3 good things, 3 bad things)

This is also a good place to look for other Star Wars roleplayers. If you sign up, tell 'em Volar sent you.
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Last edited by Volar the Healer on Thu Jun 16, 2005 7:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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Volar the Healer
Jedi


Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 661
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2003 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Question Well, what do you guys think?
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Orgaloth
Vice Admiral
Vice Admiral


Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 3754
Location: Melbourne, Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2003 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm currently reading it, once I finish (probably on the weekend) I'll let you know.
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Son of Fire
Captain
Captain


Joined: 03 Sep 2003
Posts: 560
Location: Rose City Canada

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2003 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll get to it eventually.
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Volar the Healer
Jedi


Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 661
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The next chapter of Volar's Story is up. Along with the weapons and armour under the appropriate sections.
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Crell Damar
Line Captain
Line Captain


Joined: 31 Jul 2003
Posts: 846

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 11:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i should probably start reading it... i haven't had net at home til a few days ago, and i still don't have it on my comp yet Confused i'll check it out this afternoon and let you know what i think Smile
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Loc Taal
Grand Master (Admin Emeritus)


Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Posts: 805
Location: Wisconsin, USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 12:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys should all read it. Good stuff!
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Rathe Ehtar
Commander
Commander


Joined: 11 Oct 2003
Posts: 441
Location: Vacaville, CA

PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2003 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have read Volar's Story, finally. It was long, but good.
Three good points and three bad points

Bad first. Bad point one: Dialogue should be seperated when a new person speaks. It's just some english rule, but it clarifies who's speaking when. I could tell who was speaking when, but sometimes others can't.

Bad point two:Even though the story was long, it felt rushed to me. I would have liked more detail in the later parts of the story.

Bad point three:I think more emphasis could have been placed on the might of the Empire. Show not tell, another english rule, I would have liked to see more terror, possibly from Volar when the Empire is concerned.

Good now. Good point one: I liked the point of view. It was third person, but it was written, for the most part, from Volar's perspective. The audience didn't find out certain details, until Volar did.

Good point two: I liked the detail given to the earlier parts of the story surrounding the other resistence members. I felt it was a real rebel camp.

Good point three: The Imperial side of the story was good. I thought it was an actual Imperial situation when the ISB were called to the scene.
It seemed you did your homework on that part of the story and it shows. The parts where volar uses his Force powers is very much like I would expect a Jedi would.

Overall, a very good piece, er, pieces.
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Son of Fire
Captain
Captain


Joined: 03 Sep 2003
Posts: 560
Location: Rose City Canada

PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2003 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I finally read it.

I though the training was a bit long, but it was nice and detailed which I like. I also figured that would tie in to the fact you where in the military yourself, so it would only be natural for you to put some emphasis on it.

But I really liked how you showed the difference in technology, and how realistically the lasers where portrayed. The no visible beam or sound (except when the armour cracked due to the heat) was cool. It was nice to see some actual science in Star Wars for once.
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